Wednesday, April 18, 2007

50 Reasons why you cannot find your System administrator

1. He is hidden under a ladder

2. He in the holiday, first time for 5 years

3. He beats in a drum in a cellar that machines at offices worked

4. He in hospital, with overdose of caffeine

5. He was taken away by militia at the moment of murder of the user setting silly questions

6. And you in general have system administrator?

7. You have passed by a table under which he was hidden

8. The system administrator has constructed a labyrinth, and the door in its office is in the center of a labyrinth

9. You the system administrator?

10. You have looked through the system administrator sleeping under a table

11. He is chained to a table in a dungeon, and a key from it only at director

12. The administrator has left to the heads to explain, what for the assistant is necessary for him

13. The administrator so slept a little, that it is better to him to not come to work at all as today all of you equally will not understand about what he speaks.

14. You are afraid, that the administrator will use you as a boxing pear, therefore though you and search for him, but as fiduciary hope, that will not find.

15. The administrator has arrived for the work, disguised as the postman to avoid conversations with users

16. The administrator is killed by a current when pulled a network near to the main power cable. As his body became the basic subject which is installing electrical equipment, the heads has established a protection and has declared, that they still have system administrator.

17. The administrator has got stuck in shaft of the lift, stretching a cable on other floor

18. The administrator pulls out packing beer from a hiding place under a floor

19. The administrator is hidden on a roof

20. The administrator searches for " the Justification of Day » at BOFH.

21. The administrator has left to buy a box of coffee

22. The administrator is occupied, he establishes xfishtank on the main file - server.

24. The administrator was locked in server and plays Deathmatch.

25. The administrator was loaded in DOS and plays DOOM by a network.

26. The administrator has gone to a supermarket to fill up has reserved coffee, beer and cigarettes

27. The administrator has hidden in a pantry in which nobody looks

28. The administrator has found a pair of hours for dream

29. The administrator only has has found out, that from him the bi-monthly child, and anew gets acquainted with the girlfriend and the child.

30. The administrator plays netrek

31. The administrator - in hospital, with the serious trauma put by fallen mountain of bottles with mineral water

32. The administrator at the boss, also tries to explain, why he loaded a photo of the user on seven.rings.of.hell.com

33. The administrator - in hospital, imposes the trunk on fingers after 100 times has printed « Is not present, you cannot use your old address after change of a domain name. Please, read announcements which we sent you last three months ».

34. The administrator has taken a nap under floor boards, walk cautiously!

35. The administrator observes, how the electrician includes a knife switch which will transform firm into multi-coloured pieces of coal

36. The administrator on highway expects, when bank of beer will be rolled from the lorry jumped up on a stone

37. The administrator has left to break off as a hot-water bottle looser which once again has asked: " When the backup copy of system will be made? »

38. The administrator with surprise has stared on « the big burning sphere in the sky »

39. The administrator packs things to get over in firm which uses modern iron

41. The administrator hangs on phone, trying to dissuade the wife to buy the house without DSL

42. The administrator sits on a floor, in a hysterics of that the user has asked

43. The administrator - in a pub because « ALL THIS HAS GOT »

44. The administrator behind your back with an axe

45. The administrator with disgust has left five minutes ago

46. The administrator at meeting at the boss, discusses bad user support

47. Simply look at a ceiling. Recollect "Another's".

48. The administrator is impossible to find by phone and by e-mail because he is too occupied in Usenet telling as he is occupied or thinking out 101 reason why he cannot be found.

49. The administrator is hidden under a table to not begin those who sits hours, observing reinstallation Ultrix from one-high-speed CD ROM, that users, with the rights ROOT, have again destroyed file system, after unsuccessful attempt "to improve"/etc/rc, for defragmentation a disk during loading « that it was kept »

50. We have secret a room, and on it the huge deputy. I hide there.

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That the woman wants from the man

That the woman wants from the man In the age of 22

1. Beautiful

2. Charming

3. Financially successful

4. The attentive student

5. Witty

6. In the good physical form

7. It is stylishly dressed

8. Appreciates fine

9. It is ready on pleasant surprises

10. Bright, romantic beloved.

That the woman wants from the man In the age of 32

1. Well looks (especially hair on his head)

2. Opens automobile doors, the chair submits

3. Has enough money to a good dinner

4. Listens more than speaks

5. It is dared from my jokes

6. Carries packages from an epicure with ease

7. Has at least one tie

8. Appreciates good prepared houses I peep

9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries

10. It is ready to gentle attitudes at least once a week.

That the woman wants from the man In the age of 42

1. Not too ugly and bald head

2. Does not drive off, while I still completely have not come in the automobile

3. It is stably loaded on work - it is ruined for a dinner sometimes

4. Nods a head when I speak

5. Usually remembers highlights of jokes

6. Is in enough good form to rearrange furniture

7. Carries a shirt which closes his stomach

8. Knows, that is not necessary to buy champagne with the braided fuse

9. Does not overlook to lower a seat from a toilet bowl

That the woman wants from the man In the age of 52

1. Cuts hair in a nose and on ears

2. Air publicly does not belch and does not spoil

3. Not too frequently occupies money

4. Does not fall asleep, when I express the ideas

5. Anew does not inform the same joke too many time

6. Is in enough good form to climb down from a sofa in weekend

7. Usually changes socks simultaneously with underwear

8. Estimates a good dinner behind viewing of the TV

9. Remembers my name

10. Has a shave in the some people weekend.

That the woman wants from the man In the age of 62

1. Does not frighten small children

2. Remembers, where bathing

3. Many money for the maintenance does not demand

4. Only slightly snores in dream

5. Remembers, why he is dared

6. Is in enough good form to rise independently

7. Usually puts on clothes

8. Finds pleasant soft foodstuff

9. Remembers, where he has left the teeth

10. Remembers, that it - weekend.

That the woman wants from the man In the age of 72

1. Breathes

2. Does not miss by a toilet bowl.

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Telephone jokes

And this joke operates always. Call and speak:

- Hallo, Piter, we will have child!

- It is not Piter …

- What difference!

 

Call by casual phone and speak:

- The refrigerator is necessary for you?

To you if you have called not under the announcement, will tell that is not present. Then you:

- Perfectly now we shall arrive and we shall take away!!!

 

 

Bell under certain number (for example, to Piter). A precise voice and with appropriate intonation speak:

- Is it Piter?

- Yes, it I!

- You - the weakest part! Farewell.

 

 

There is very good way to call with any most inaccessible person. You call, say, in reception of the bigwig. The secretary asks, who calls. You speak terribly:

- Transfer him, that the husband calls, - he knows, whose!

 

 

The bell of hour per 3-4 nights, sleepy voice asks: "HALLO", and you to him it is sympathetic: " That, the friend, too is not slept? "

 

 

Leaving somewhere, leave on an answering machine the following record: " Hello, the house is not present anybody, with you speaks an answering machine. You can leave the message after a sound signal... " (write down squeak of a pager) wait a pause of silence of seconds at 10-15 and add: "... Please, more slowly - I write down ". Then there is a normal signal of an answering machine, and, having arrived from holiday, to you pleasant pastime - listening of a laughter of your friends in a tube is guaranteed.

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How to play a trick on friends?

1. You, certainly, are similar to the person, but it only casual concurrence.

2. You always such fool or are simple today something celebrated?

3. That day when distributed brains, you, probably, have forgotten the head?

4. I would come to you a boot on a muzzle, yes I shall not be, and that you from it only will become more beautiful.

5. Your figure has at least one advantage - it not such terrible, as your physiognomy.

6. When fools will start to fly, you will become the commander of a squadron.

7. If I had such muzzle as at you, I would bring an action against the parents.

8. Continue to speak, maybe, once you at last you will tell though one clever word.

9. You love the nature, you speak? And it after everything, what it with you has made??

10. You do not reflect better, and that still crisis of brains you will earn.

11. You walking confirmation to that is possible to live and without a brain.

12. If it was possible to measure dullness, you could serve as the standard.

13. About whom I see! You that, have agreed to let out from a zoo?

14. All people have the right to be silly, but you abuse it.

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Tuesday, April 17, 2007

6 mistakes becoming opening

Microwave

The known researcher Persi Spenser who has received more of 120 patents for the inventions, the employee of one of the largest companies of world military-industrial complex Raytheon, casually became the founder of a microwave. In 1945, shortly before the end of the Second World war, it{he} carried out the researches, putting the problem{task} to improve quality of radars.

At the moment of experience Spenser has found out, that chocolate laying on a table before working radiator has fused. After a series of experiments the first microwave which weighed about 400 kg has been created. She{it} was supposed to be used at restaurants, planes and the ships - there where it was required to warm up quickly peep.

 

Sticky pieces of paper for notes (Post-it Notes)

Sticky pieces of paper have appeared as a result of unsuccessful experiment on strengthening of stability of glue. In 1968 the employee of research laboratory of the company 3M tried to improve quality of a sticky tape (adhesive tape). It{he} has received dense glue which was not absorbed in stuck together surfaces and was completely useless for manufacture of an adhesive tape. The researcher did not know, how it is possible to use a new grade of glue.

Four years later, his colleague who at leisure sang in church chorus, have been angry by that bookmarks in the book, all time dropped out. Then he has recollected glue which could fix paper bookmarks, not damaging pages of the book. In 1980 Post-it Notes for the first time have been been released in sale.

The carriage for a supermarket

Dealer Sylvan Goldman has invented the first carriage for purchases in 1936. Goldman was the owner of the big food shop in city Oklahoma City and has noticed, that buyers refuse to buy some goods because they are hard for carrying. Opening was casual: Goldman has paid attention, how one customer has put a heavy bag on the toy machine which her son rolled.

The dealer has at first attached small wheels to a usual basket, and has then involved to the aid mechanics and the prototype of the modern carriage has created. Mass release of this device has been started in 1947. The invention of the carriage has allowed to create a new kind of shop - a supermarket.

Cookies with slices of chocolate

One of the most popular kinds of cookies in the USA - cookies with slices of chocolate chocolate-chip cookies. It has been invented in 1930th years when the mistress of small hotel Ruth Wakefield has decided to bake oil cookies. The woman has broken a chocolate bar and has mixed slices of chocolate with the test, expecting, that chocolate will thaw and will give to the test brown color and chocolate smack. However Wakefield has brought ignorance of laws of physics, and she has got cookies from an oven with slices of chocolate.

Rubber

In 1844 inventor Charles Goodyear has casually opened the recipe of manufacturing of rubber which is not softened in heat and does not become fragile on a frost. The new technology has received the name of vulcanization. Goodyear, many years unsuccessfully trying to improve quality of rubber, in that the extremely whimsical and inconvenient material, once has casually heated up a mix of rubber and sulfur on a cooker. Opening of process of vulcanization of rubber became a push for development of the electroindustry as rubber is fine isolation a material. Invention Goodyear has made possible occurrence of the modern automobile.

Garbage bag

Harry Wasylyk in 1950 has invented the first garbage bag. Wasylyk was the inventor and the engineer and once to {him the municipality of city which has set the task has addressed: to make so that household waste products did not get enough sleep during loading garbage assembly machines. Wasylyk long time deliberated above creation of similarity of a vacuum cleaner, but the decision has come suddenly. Someone from his{its} familiar or domestic has thrown a phrase: " the bag is necessary for dust for me! ". Wasylyk has thought, that for operations with dust it is necessary to use disposable bags and has suggested to do{make} them of polythene. The first the hospital of the city of Winnipeg began to use plastic garbage bags. The first garbage bags intended for private persons, have appeared in 1960th years. Nowadays one of the major problems which should be solved to mankind, recycling of dust is.

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The interesting facts

Alexander Graham Bell, the inventor of phone, has never called the to mum and the wife: both of them were deaf persons.

The peanut is used in manufacture of dynamite.

Hippopotamuses are born under water.

Blond beards grow faster, than dark.

Polar bears - lefthanders!

Beethoven once has been arrested for vagrancy.

The flea can jump on distance in 350 times exceeding length of the body! All the same, that the person will jump through a football field!

More than 20 % of all trees of the world - the Siberian larches.

The majority of people is lost with 50 % of flavouring sensations by 60 years.

Paper money for the first time have appeared in China.

In a casino of Las Vegas there are no hours.

In 1880 cocaine freely was on sale for treatment of cold, a neuralgia, a headache and a sleeplessness!

In 15 century considered, that red color treats. Patients put on red and surrounded itself red things.

In day in the USA 3 operations on change of a floor are on the average made.

The hiver who is capable to sustain 40 hours per a beehive with bees completely naked lives in village Lobovskoe of the Saratov area!

In Ancient Egypt if the patient died during operation, to the doctor have cut off hands.

In China now live: Jesus Christ, Richard Nixon, and Elvis Presley!

At the moment of death Lenin's brain was in a quarter of a normal amount.

In desert Sahara once - on February, 18, 1979 - there was a snow.

In Russian and English languages there is no word for the name of a return part of a knee.

In Saudi Arabia there are no rivers.

In Siena, Italy, is impossible to be the prostitute if you call Maria.

On the average for a life the person casually eats 70 insects!

On the average the person eats 3201 cucumber during a life!

11 % of all broken scanners fail because people sit on them for a copy of parts of a body!

25 % of the population never called by phone!

80 % of heat of a human body leave a head.

97 % of people to which will offer the new handle, first of all will write the name!

99 % of the alive essences lived on the Earth, have died out.

The first Rolls-Royce cost 600 thousand dollars (1906)..

In milk of a whale fat content of 54 percent..

In Russia hundred dollar denominations it is more, than in the USA!..

One 75-ваттная a bulb gives more light, than 3 25-ваттных.

The Roman legionaries used a tie for... Protection against a cold.

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Names of the companies - that mean and whence have gone

Adobe - it is named in honour of river Adobe Creek which flew behind the house of the founder of the company of John Warnock.

Casio - in honour of the founder of company Kashio Tadao.

Cisco - in abbreviated form San Francisco.

Compaq - from Comp and paq (the small integrated detail)

Corel - in honour of the founder of the company of Michael Kouplenda (Dr. Michael Cowpland). It is deciphered COwpland REsearch Laboratory.

Daewoo - the founder of company Kim Vu Chong (Kim Woo Chong) has named the company modestly, « the Big universe » so it is translated with Korean.

Fuji - in honour of the highest mountain of Japan.

Google - the name has taken place from word Googol, meaning unit with 100 zero. And Google it has been written on the check, which founders of this project (among which, by the way, the former Russian - Sergey Brin) have received from the first investor. After that they have named search engine so.

HP (Hewlett-Packard) - founders Bill Hewlett and Dave Packard stopped a coin to decide, whose name will be the first in the name. As you understand, Bill has won.

Hitachi - on the Japanese is a dawn.

Honda - a name of founder Soichiro Honda

Honeywell - a name of founder Mark Honeywell

Hotmail - to founder Jack Smith (Jack Smith) there has come idea of access to e-mail through web from any point of the world. When Sabeer Bhatia has appeared with the business - plan of the given service, it{he} has touched all words terminating on "mail" and eventually has stopped on hotmail as at the name there were letters HTML (language of a marking of webs - pages).

IBM - International Business Machines.

Intel - Bob Noyce and Gordon Moore wanted to name company Moore Noyce, but by then already there was a network of hotels with such name. So they have decided to stop on reduction from INTegrated ELectronics.

Kawasaki - in honour of founder Shozo Kawasaki

Kodak - K - George Istmena's favourite letter (George Eastman), the founder of the company. He searched for the words beginning and coming to an end this remarkable letter. As in all alphabets "K" it is written equally. Eventually, it has been chosen Kodak, ostensibly such sound is made with a camera at shooting.

Konica - it is earlier known, as Konishiroku Kogaku.

LG - the first letters of two Korean brands Lucky and Goldstar.

Lotus - Mitch Kapor, the founder of the company, was engaged in meditation. From here and the name (a pose of a lotus)

Microsoft - MICROcomputer SOFTware. it was initially written, how Micro-Soft. Then a hyphen have removed.

Mitsubishi - the founder of company Jataro Ivasaki (Yataro Iwasaki) in 1870 has thought up. on the Japanese means « Three brilliants ». The name is displayed and in a trade mark of the company.

Motorola - founder Pol Gelvin (Paul Galvin) has thought up the name when his company began manufacture of radio for machines. Many manufacturers of audio-components at that time came to an end on "ola".

Mozilla Foundation - the successor browser Netscape Navigator. When Mark Adersen (Marc Andreesen), founder Netscape, has created a browser on replacement Mosaic, inside the company of it{him} named Mozilla (Mosaic-Killer, Godzilla).

Nabisco - it is primary « The NAtional BISCuit COmpany », in 1971 has changed on Nabisco.

Nikon - it is primary Nippon Kogaku, " the Japanese optics " means.

Nissan - it is earlier known, as Nichon Sangio, that " the Japanese industry " means.

Nokia - began, as a tree processing factory, has grown up before manufacture of rubber products in Finnish city Nokia.

Oracle - founders of company Larry Ellison and Bob Oats worked above the consulting project for CIA which code name was Oracle. In a consequence the project has been closed, but the name remained.

SAP - " Systems, Applications, Productss in Data Processing ", it is based 4мя by former employees IBM'á who worked in group Systems/Applications/Projects.

SCO - from Santa Cruz Operation.

Siemens - it is based in 1847 Verner a background by Siemens (Werner von Siemens)

Sony - from latin "Sonus" (sound) and "sonny"

Subaru - named constellations. It also is displayed on a trade mark of the company.

SUN - it is based 4th university friends, reduction from Stanford University Network.

Suzuki - named founder Michio Suzuki

Toshiba - it has been based after merge of the company specializing on the consumer goods, Tokyo Denki (Tokyo Electric Co) and electric company Shibaura Seisaku-sho (Shibaura Engineering Works).

Toyota - named founder Sakichi Toyoda. In a consequence it is changed to Toyota. On - Japanese has consisted of 8 letters (happy number in Japan).

Xerox - Inventor Chestor Carlson (Chestor Carlson), wanted to reflect in the name a word "dry" (as at that time existed only copying is damp). "Xer" - dry on Greec.

3M - Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing Company.

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20 ERRORS IN the SCIENCE AND TECHNICS

- In the future computers will weigh no more than 1.5 tons. (PopularMechanics, 1949)

- I think, that in the world market we shall find demand for five computers. (Thomas Watson - director of company IBM, 1943)

- I have travelled all over this country up and down, communicated with the cleverest people and I can warrant you that data processing is only folly, the fashion on which will hold on no more than year. (the editor of publishing house Prentice Hall, 1957)

- But, that... Can be useful in this piece? (a question on discussion of creation of a microchip in Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968)

- Anybody cannot have necessity to have a computer in the house. (Ken Olson - the founder and the president of corporation Digital Equipment Corp., 1977)

- Such device, as phone has too many lacks to consider it as a communication facility. Therefore, I think, that given

The invention has no any value. (from discussions in company Western Union in 1876)

- This musical box without wires cannot have any commercial value. Who will pay the messages which have been not intended for any individual person? (partners of association David Sarnoff in reply to its offer to invest the project of creation of radio, 1920)

- The concept is interesting and made well out. But, that the idea began to work, it should contain common sense. (professorate Yale University in reply to Freda Smith's offer on the organization of service of home delivery; Fred Smith becomes the founder of delivery service Federal Express Corp.)

- Yes, whom, to devils, conversations of actors interest? (reaction H.M. Warner - Warner Brothers on use of a sound in a cinema, 1927)

- We do not like their sound and, in general, a guitar is a yesterday. (Decca Recording Co., the rejected record of an album of group the Beatles, in 1962)

- Flying machines, weight more hardly air are impossible! (Lord Kelvin - the president of the Royal Society - Royal Society - 1895)

- Professor Godar does not understand relations between action and reaction, he does not know, that conditions are necessary for reaction more suitable, than vacuum. Similar, the professor tests sharp lack of basic knowledge which are taught in high school. (the editorial in newspaper New York Times, devoted Robert Godara's to revolutionary work on a theme of creation of a rocket, 1921)

- Drilling the ground in searches of oil? You mean, what it is necessary to drill the ground to find oil? You have gone mad. (the answer to Edvina Drake's project in 1859)

- Everything, that could be invented, have already invented. (Charles Djuelll - the special representative of the American Bureau of Patents, 1899)

- Lui Pasteur's theory about microbes - ridiculous imagination. (Pierre Pashe - the professor of psychology of university of Toulouse, 1872)

- The stomach, a breast and a brain will be always closed for intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon. (Sir John Eric Eriksen-the British doctor appointed by the main surgeon of queen Victoria, 1873)

- 640kb should be enough for everyone. (Bill Gates, 1981)

- 100 million dollars - too a big price for Microsoft. (IBM, 1982)

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INTERESTING FACTS ABOUT ANIMALS

 Rat can live without water for longer than Camel.

During the day, saying feeding their chicks thousand times.

On bites bees each year kills 3 times more people than bites snakes.

Dolphins sleep with one eye open.

Mass brain elephant is about 0.27% of the mass of his body.

The only pet is not mentioned in the Bible, Cat.

Adult whale for 2 seconds inhale 2400 litres of air.

Hotel could be under water up to 28 minutes.

Zebra - white with black stripes, rather than vice versa.

There are about 500 zoos in the World.

The body of caterpillars more muscle than in the human body.

In ancient Egypt, the main pests fields deemed to beetles and even locusts, but ... gippopotames.

Each iron has a unique capability. In stressful situations, it may delay the delivery of up to two years.

Attacking the victim, sharks have turned a blind eye to production byuschayasya not injured.

Scoones can bite and impart fragrance at the same time.

Speed snails, about 1.5 mm / s.

The largest in the world Creeper (and the most dangerous for humans), the marine crocodile.

Stag imperial moth can feel and find a female form within a distance of two kilometres.

The tiger on the front top five fingers, and back-four.

The Earth is about 4,000 species of frogs and toads.

The mechanism that would reflect the light back toward the retina, night vision tigers is six times better than in humans.

Gippopotames following the elephants, the toughest mammals Earth. Their weight may be as high as 4 tons.

During the First World War, one of the South African monkeys received a medal and even won a military rank corporal.

Snake can sleep 3 years in a row, taking nothing for food.

Bloch could jump to 33 cm in one leap. If people have the same pryguchest, people could perform jumps to 213 meters!

Rats appeared on Earth 48 million years earlier than men.

On Earth, there are about 400 breeds of domestic dogs.

The cats falling from the 12th floor, a better chance to survive than y cats scheduled to drop from 7th.

The elephant is the only animal with four knees.

Zoo in Tokyo every year closed for a 2 months to animals could rest from visitors.

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Monday, April 16, 2007

kitchens

I am learning in a university, and because I come from another city to live in the dorms. In the dorms we have common kitchen. Here's what happens when a week is not clean in the kitchen (do not try this again :)) :





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